Stranger in My House - 10/06/05

Dunkirk, NY - It is an absolutely gorgeous day. The temperature is 75 degrees, with a bold blue sky and a few puffy white clouds floating by. I am sitting under my magnolia tree in my back yard, listening to my XM radio, phones at the ready, sipping on my ginger ale/cranberry juice spritzer. My wireless network allows me to work outside, soaking in the unusual October warmth. The weather has been this good for the entire week. The Major League Baseball playoffs are in full swing. You would have to be completely mad not to be in the best possible mood given all these conditions.

Oh yes, it's beautiful out, and I am indeed trying to make myself as comfortable as possible. But in spite of all this, I can't really, truly relax. I don't belong here; as of this writing I belong on the campus of Loyola College in Fredericksville MD either doing a workshop or getting ready to perform Much Ado tonight. No doubt about it; I'm somewhat bummed out. Depressed. Anxious. Sitting here on the shelf, in a holding pattern, half packed, half un-packed, waiting to get on some sort of public transportation and re-join Atomic Fission. And at the moment, I have no timetable for returning.

Physically, I am fine. I went to my doctor's yesterday, and all my blood test indicate that there's no sign of any sort of viral infection, no hepatitis, or anything like that. The upshot of everything is that it is clear I had an "event" which attacked my liver, but the cause of this attack is at the moment undetermined. I've been referred to a gastroenterologist and am waiting for an appointment to have an ERCP exam done, but who knows when? An ERCP is essentially an exam where they knock you out and put a camera down your throat, through your stomach, and down into the duodenum to look around your liver ducts, pancreatic ducts and gall bladder ducts (my gall bladder is gone) for any stones, polyps, obstructions, etc. Until that test is performed I can't leave the area. But as I say, physically I am fine. My yellow jaundiced look is now gone, my energy level feels good and I feel as if I could perform at any time. So this is all very frustrating.

And it's so odd to have your existence scattered in three places. I am sitting in my own house, so I have my computer and entertainment systems at my disposal. But some of my stuff, like my car and my bicycle, is down in Staunton, and other things, like my camera, are still with the troupe. Nothing like being trifurcated.

But I am doing my best to stay positive and take everything one step at a time. Given that there's still Christmas Carol to do, the spring leg of the tour, and the 10-week resident run to do, missing a couple of weeks now is not so bad. I can't help feeling like a slug and that I've given everyone extra work to do, but of course the troupe is taking it all in stride, wishing me well, and rolling with the punches. And I now have unofficial understudies: Andrew is playing Leonato and enjoying the opportunity, Chris I believe is taking up Prospero (after having understudied Cookie while Daniel had the chickenpox), and Jessica has picked up Hastings as well as the Friar in Much Ado.

So how do I pass my time at home? An assortment of trivial activities for the moment. I am behaving as if I'm getting back soon, so I am resisting taking up any household projects or stepping onto the Fredonia college campus. I've tried not to use the clothes in my tiny travel suitcase, but I did run out of socks this morning. I have been watching a lot of baseball, staying up last night to watch all of the Yankee loss to the pesky Angels (A-Rod better start hitting!!) as well as delighting in watching the White Sox stick it to the Red Sox (I will become a big White Sox fan if they get into the World Series). I've been catching up on some blogs, notably Carolyn Castiglia (baby due pretty soon), Paul Fidalgo (and check out his new side project - A Damn Shame )and Jessica Dunton. Paul and Jessica compose the acting team that will performing Greater Tuna in January at the Blackfriars Playhouse in Staunton. Jessica is one funny woman (Carolyn and Jessica ought to meet each other, I think), and Paul is a fine, fine musician/songwriter. I am sure his somewhat offbeat and droll sense of humor combined with Jessica's broad, brassy style (she told a story at the actor's house in Staunton which would have had me on the floor with laughter had I not been so tired that night coming back from the Veritas gig) will be a hoot on the stage.

Other activities: small household chores, napping, converting some video I have into compressed video, reading web sites of the troupe's upcoming venues, shaving, trimming my goatee and ear hair, snacking. That's about it. I should do more writing, but it gets in the way of watching baseball (2 or 3 games a day during the divisional playoffs). No matter what the situation, you must hang on to your priorities.

This gives a great deal of time for thought, random daydreaming, and assorted idle ruminations. Without any concrete activities to report, there's not much else to write about on a daily basis except these inchoate items, so you may be subjected to some of these as the days drift by during this compelled exile. Here's an example:

Young people blog differently than I do. I tend to want to write in complete, grammatically correct sentences. I edit and censor myself. I write longer posts for the most part, as well as longer sentences. Stylistically, I've chosen the letter form, having my blog mostly take the form of a letter to friends and family. I shun self-promotion whenever possible. But bloggers of the younger sort tend to write short posts and entries, shooting from the linguistic hip. They are unafraid to express opinion, no matter how outlandish. Sentences are short and punchy. There is almost always an attempt to sound hip, modern and current. Self-promotion seems to be the primary defining reason to blog.

That's just one example of some random observations I had while parsing and exploring several blogs. These are the things that will be coming your way as I watch the world pass by from the quiet of my Dunkirk domicile.

I also apologize for the lack of pictures. I don't have my camera, and there's not much to take pictures of out here. Nor can I update the photo page at My Yahoo! site. So you'll just have to use your imagination. I will soon be updating the video page, however, so stay tuned for that. Perhaps I might even take it upon myself to wholly re-design my own website. It could use some refreshing after using the same design for 10 years.

Anyway, that's about it for now. I am well, resting comfortably if quite anxiously, keeping busy with small items, and waiting for the medical profession to have its way with me. Many thanks to everyone who has sent me well wishes. They are most welcome and help to make me smile and keep me happy! Best to everyone! -TWL